In October 2022, I moved my life to The Netherlands. I left the world I'd known my whole life behind: family, friends, places, things. I spent 2023 in a new place, with new people, and new experiences. I went home (still home) to South Africa in December. In January, I returned to The Netherlands. On my arrival back, things no longer felt scary or daunting. I felt at home, away from home. These are my tips for settling into new and unfamiliar places.
Tip #1: Embrace Embarrassment. When doing anything new, you have zero experience to guide you. Consequently, you'll make many mistakes. And instinctively, you'll feel stupid for making them. You're not stupid. You're just learning. Let go of shame, pick yourself up, and take notes so that you do better next time.
Tip #2: Accept that you are not alone. Being lonely is difficult. Sitting in loneliness is the easy way. It's you giving yourself a way out - a way that avoids trying to put yourself out there. Connect with people. New people, if you can. Old people, over the phone, if you must. Even if you have no one, don't be so ignorant to think you are the only one who has nobody - there are others, and you are together in that.
Tip #3: Do Cool Things! You've never been here before; anything could happen! Just around the corner, there may be something that could change your whole life. But you're not going to find it sitting still. So move. Try the things that you had no access to before. Don't be intimidated; more often than not, the worst that could happen is that you make mistakes, in which case, I refer you to Tip #1.
Tip #4: Keep what makes you, you. Old habits die hard, and it's not a bad thing. In a scary foreign environment, having small things that you know and can hold onto will keep you grounded. Even if it's just brushing your teeth and looking in the mirror in the morning, it's important to hold onto some sense of your normal, that is, if you don't want to lose yourself entirely. If you do want to lose yourself entirely, this list may not be for you!
Tip #5: Sustenance, Sustenance, Sustenance. With so many new and exciting things to try, remember to look after yourself. There's no use embracing a brave new world wholly for a day, then being so devoid of energy the next day that you can do nothing else. Eat good, wholesome food, and rest well, always.
Tip #6: Make things homey. A framed photograph can bring many, many moments of joy. Treasured artifacts can bring with them the love that makes them treasured. An extra cozy blanket can protect you from the world when you need it most. Think of the things that make home, home, and are practical to have with you now, to create for yourself a home away from home.
Tip #7: Bring the Beat! Even if you aren't a music enthusiast, you're sure to have some music that you know you enjoy. Don't forget to play it! Especially when silence is deafening, music can be soothing, energizing, or just grounding. Either way, it's worth listening to and will assist you in all your other endeavors.
Tip #8: Be okay with not being okay, sometimes. This may be more of a life tip than a settling-in tip. Nevertheless, when you're in a new place, the support structures that normally catch you when you're feeling low may not be there. It's okay. Bad days pass. Just hang in there. Also, tips 2 through 7 could help get through the worst; or, at least, make it more bearable.
They're not perfect nor are they exhaustive. But trust me, use these tips in a way that works for you, and you'll be feeling at home in no time!
Good luck!
"This wasn’t a strange place; it was a new one."
- Paulo Coelho