On new years eve last year, I told myself, by the end of next year, I will be living in another country. Well, it's the 31st of October. Yesterday, my plane landed in The Netherlands. Today, I'm writing this blog post from an apartment in Utrecht, where I'll be staying for the next 12 months. I did it. I'll tell you this much, it wasn't easy. It takes a lot of time and energy to move your life to the other side of the world. But, I made it. So, here's a look back at what it took. And, a little look forward at my hopes for what it may bring.
As it always is, the first step was most difficult. See, with most decisions I make, I often get stuck on looking for the perfect way to move forward. As a result, I sometimes end up standing still, with my head spinning in circles. This may well have happened with my decision to live in another country. After that fateful new years eve in 2021, I knew I wanted to move. But, it was just a thought in my mind. Nothing real had been set in motion, just yet. And, as people do, I could've changed my mind. Which would've been easy. I mean, there were so many variables still to be determined. Where would I go? For whom would I work? Did I even want to do the same job? I mean, if I'm going to make a change, surely I should try make the absolute best change possible. I think this is a trap many of us step into. Truth is, there is no change that will be perfect in all the ways that we want. So, we need to choose one thing, and any change we make, should be moving us closer to that one thing.
My one thing was that I wanted to live in another country. Lucky for me, my employer's had an office in The Netherlands. I would have to learn a new language. My role at work would likely not be as big a step forward as I would like. But, it would be the shortest path to the one thing. With that in mind, my first real step was taken when I set a meeting with my employers. To tell them, with surety, that I'd like to move. When I did that, I let the thought in my head trickle into the world around me. Now, no matter what, there was no turning back. I would either succeed; or, I would fail and have to make peace with a part of the world knowing that I failed.
What came next was just a series of acts that were geared towards making sure that the one immovable thing (that is, that I wanted to move this year), does not move. When I was asked when I'd like to move, I answered with, as soon as is realistically possible. When I knew when I could start working in The Netherlands, I booked my plane ticket. And, I signed a lease agreement to ensure I had a place to stay. Admin tasks became a breeze, because there was no decision-making with regards to when to get them done - the answer was always, now! Most importantly, when very attractive alternative options availed themselves, their only ask being that I had to move the one thing, I would look the other way. For to give them any consideration at all, would be to risk sending my head spiralling again. I had one thing I was focused on. Everything else came easy.
Well, almost everything else. Over the course of my last two months in South Africa, I focused all the energy that wasn't needed for getting me to The Netherlands, on saying goodbye. And that, was not easy. I said goodbye to things. Sentimental things, and valuable things. I said goodbye to places. All over South Africa, from the karoo, to the mountains, to the forests, to the seas. Most difficult of all, I said goodbye to the people. To friends, and to family - to various holders of parts of my heart. The question of, when will we see eachother again, could only be met with certain uncertainty. I don't know when I'll be back. Celebratory well wishes, soon turned to tears of sadness. I will miss you. Sniff.
But, from the doom, came gloom. On the plane, I couldn't help but feel proud. Yes, there was a mixture of other feelings, too. But, pride was there. Proud of having said I would do something. Something relatively ambitous. And proud of doing it. But, let me not get arrogant. I am all too familiar with what life does when you think you have it all figured out. And, at this time - this time where my one thing is becoming part of my present, in place of my future - I may be especially vulnerable to life's predisposition for havoc. To do my best not to get swayed, it's time to focus on a new, one thing. What it is, I'm not ready to put into words. But I can tell you that its motivations run deep. And that being where I am now, and everything that I've done to get here, is all only the first, of a bigger step, toward where I'm going.
As with any big undertaking, I am sure to face moments along the way that will have me asking questions like, why am I even doing this, or, is it all worth it. But, every ounce of difficulty will add to the satisfaction I get when I achieve what I'm setting out to do. I hope that you'll wish me luck, as I do you.
Thanks for listening. Goodbye.
"A new challenge keeps the brain kicking and the heart ticking."
- E.A. Bucchianeri